I have been sick for three long days. Not from the flu, although it knocked me out just as much as a flu would. Not from the heartbreak of losing a relationship. I know how much that hurts, and this pain is similar, but my relationships are fine.
I have not lost anything or done anything wrong, but my brain is filled with thoughts of what a total mess I am in life.
Not one thing has happened to create this sickness. There are no obvious triggers. No problems. No diet changes or weather changes. Nothing has happened.
I have been sick for three long days from my bipolar disorder.
I did everything I could to get out of it. I used the ideas in my books. I asked for help. I changed locations. I let others know that my brain wasn't working. I got upset. I tried to be nice to myself. I did it all!
It took three days for my brain to get back on track. Three long days of frustration and pain. That is our life with this illness. I still kept going. I did the work that had to be done and put off the work that had a few days leeway. I simply had to wait it out.
It's so painful. It's so hard. It's so unfair. It is all of these things.
I can either accept it — this is my life — or give up and not do all I can to reach my goals.
I choose to accept it and keep going. My brain lies to me. It is not a reliable source — it tells me things about myself and my work that are not true.
What is your plan for when your bipolar is active and your brain is lying?
Julie A. Fast is the author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Get it Done When You’re Depressed and The Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. She writes for Bp Magazine and was the original consultant for the Claire Danes character on Homeland. Julie lives with bipolar disorder and a psychotic disorder. Her official diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder. Her goal is to find stability in daily life. Please visit www.JulieFast.com for more information on her work.