I made a video to show how I am learning. My son is better off the more I can learn. My "mistake" I just realized, though I am curious as always, was to ask him, why couldn't he just enjoy the morning without having to smoke pot?
That very question implies a deficiency on his part, which was not my intention. But in the video I, notice his face and his mood the moment I say this to him. My question was not helpful to his self-esteem which he struggles with. My question, no matter how innocent it may appear, has an effect on my child. I think of all the things I have said and done in the past to try to understand my son's evolving mental illness. It could and should have been different. But, I do not hold that against myself. I can't. You can't know, what you don't know.
I share this to help other parents. We must watch how and what we say to ourselves and our children struggling with a mental illness. I hope this helps one person. I see my son on Sunday in his residential treatment facility. I will be a better parent. I love him so much. I want the suffering for anyone to stop.
We just keep trying new things,that's all we can do. I am currently teaching a NAMI Family2Family class and preparing for next weeks class. It's about being able to define a problem. After reading the material, I realized a lot of my issues I put on him, so to speak. One of the best things a therapist said to me when I started this "journey" years ago when he was 14, is to stop talking. Just listen. I have never forgotten that advice. It helps in crisis and critical moments.
See Resources: "The Art of Listening in a Healing Way" by James E. Miller
Photo Credit: Heidi Franke
Mitchell, age 22, post suicide attempt. In between hospitals and jail time.