I’m asking for prayers for my 30-year-old seriously mentally ill daughter and I want to tell you how messed up our system is for those who desperately need help.
I’ve traveled down this road many times with Trisha— so many times I've lost count. For a while now, I’ve suspected she’s not been taking her meds or has been taking illegal street drugs. She’s been engaging in risky behaviors that could harm herself or others. When she talks, she makes no sense and she’s unable to answer questions. Her thought processes are severely handicapped and her delusions are many. She has an apartment with services, but she will not accept the services, follow rules, take her meds, or let the staff help her. Now she’s about to be evicted.
Last night Trisha showed up at my house driving a car that wasn’t hers (she has no car or license) and she had lots of cash. She has a payee and wouldn’t have access to this kind of cash. I could clearly see how sick she was. Her 10-year-old son, whom I have raised since he was 3 months old, hid from his mom because of her bizarre behavior. Poor kid. She’s been making threats to kidnap her boys. I knew she couldn’t stay here. It’s unfair to the kids and unsafe. Those boys shouldn’t have to spend the night in fear as we all have many times.
(Sad to say that about my own daughter, but it’s the illness, not her. She has no reasoning skills and is locked up in her delusional self.)
After calling her legal guardian, it was decided the only choice I had was to dial 911. I wasn’t worried or embarrassed about the cops being in my driveway or what the neighbors might think. My main purpose was to get my daughter immediate help. Plus, over the years, the police have been to my house many times and I know many of them. They’ve always been helpful, but there is only so much they can do. So they transferred her to the hospital. Within an hour, the hospital staff called to say, “We’re releasing your daughter. She’s fine.” Now my seriously mentally ill daughter is missing. The hospital denied her critical care for the simple reason there is no critical care for the 1% of the most gravely mentally ill.
I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here and ask for prayers that Trisha will be located, that she’ll be safe and will find help.
Things I know:
Taking a very sick loved one to a hospital, only to have them leave with an appointment card and more meds, is not the answer.
Putting a sick loved one in an apartment, with all new furniture and staff who pop in once a day, is not the answer.
A doctor’s 10 or 15-minute med check meeting is not the answer.
A short, cute little visit with a therapist that doesn’t address real issues is not the answer.
A natural consequence is not the answer.
A state hospital — if the state even has one — is not the answer.
A psych unit in a hospital that houses and medicates is not the answer.
Encouraging, positive talk from family is good, but it is not the answer.
Posted house rules — with expectations and consequences — is not the answer.
A list of social activities is not the answer.
Buying new clothes and stuff is not the answer.
Refusing to buy anything is not the answer.
Giving money is not the answer.
Buying cigarettes is not the answer.
A group home with 24-hour supervision is not the answer.
Answering what seems like 50 calls a day is not the answer.
Family time is not the answer.
Life-skills training is not the answer.
A seventy-two-hour evaluation is not the answer.
Probation is not the answer.
Jail is not the answer
Setting your children up, with everything you can think of to give them a sort of quality of life while allowing them to maintain some kind of independence, is not the answer.
I’m beyond frustrated with everything. I think we’re up to 40-plus facilities my daughter’s been in. I’ll be writing letters, again, to all my representatives here in Iowa.
Will someone please tell me, “What is the answer?”
NOTE: Trisha’s been found and is currently in the hospital.