A couple of blog posts back (April 22, 2020) I published “A LETTER & A POEM FROM TRAVIS” by Travis Christian (BB8099).
Many of you have been following posts about Travis on this blog and many of you are also corresponding with him. Thank you. For those reading for the first time, Travis has SMI, has been in prison for over eight years, and is currently in solitary confinement at Mule Creek State Prison in Ione, California.
Your response to the poem Travis wrote was receptive and encouraging. I copied and pasted some of your Facebook comments about his poem into a letter and sent it to him. I wanted him to know people appreciated/liked his poem and to encourage him to write more.
On May 3, 2020, Travis wrote me a letter and I’m sharing it here. We can’t romanticize Travis’s writing or his situation. It’s difficult and often seemingly hopeless. He may be facing many more years in prison due to an altercation he caused in the middle of a psychotic episode. Travis, like thousands of other SMI prisoners, should not be incarcerated. He should be receiving life-long psychiatric care.
May 3, 2020
Dede,
Hi. I’m not doing so good. I keep thinking of my life before prison. I miss my life. Being in prison is lonely. I’m starting to unravel back here. I don’t see how I can ever make a life for myself. I’m frustrated with God. I know everyone tells me that God has a plan for me, but right now, I don’t see it. I do see that my future will be spent in prison.
That was nice of you to print the comments people said about my stupid poem. It was terrible. I’m sorry I’m being negative. Here’s my latest attempt.
My loneliness goes to the bones.
I don’t know how much longer I can go.
I’m inspired by all that I know
And by people who have gone before.
(Travis crossed out the following section of his poem.)
I’m getting tired of being alone.
I wish I had someplace to go.
I miss my home.
This is my attempt at a poem.
I haven’t been writing. I’m stuck on stupid. I can’t dedicate the time. Well, that’s not true, I try but I can’t write. Thank you for your advice. I give up for today. I don’t want to bring you down. I couldn’t finish that poem. I tried.
I hope you're okay. Have a good day. Maybe I’ll finish that poem. I love you. I’m sending you good thoughts. I’m okay. I got my stuff together. I’m watching golf and I drank some coffee to help my mood.
Love, Travis
I think of Travis every day. I can’t imagine being in a caged cell, all by myself, with a compromised mind, and with no hope of release in sight. According to a Kaiser Health Foundation poll, one-half of all Americans report that the COVID-19 pandemic is harming their mental health. At the same time, COVID-19 stimulus relief is not going to our already overburdened and underfunded mental health system. I’ve been an SMI advocate for over 25 years. I’ve never been as discouraged as I am right now. I hope some of you can send me words of hope and reports of progress.