I'll never forget that phone call — my son, Will, had jumped off a freeway overpass.
His illness began a while before then when he developed psychosis from using Crystal. I kept trying to get him help, but it seemed like there was no help available. Police would respond when he was in psychosis and take him to the hospital or to jail — depending on the officer. He’d been picked up so many times for possession under the influence that he was finally sentenced to a dual diagnosis program.
The program was terrible. I'm sure they did fine with some illnesses but not with schizophrenia. There were no medical people on staff and it was run mostly by recovering addicts or alcoholics. Will was sentenced there by San Diego probation and court to complete treatment. He tried to run away a couple of times but was returned to finish his sentence. Finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he ran away and jumped off the freeway overpass.
As Winston Churchill said, that was “the beginning of the beginning.” Will was in the hospital for quite some time due to his injuries and then was moved to a step-down care facility. While there, he started having psychosis again, and they kicked him out on a weekend with no aftercare plan. He ended up going to his father's house to stay until we found a placement for him. While there, he was in psychosis and thought his father was the devil and that he had to attack him before his father attacked him.
That resulted in the police being called. Will was going to jail with a broken back and a broken foot. It just was awful. He was in a wheelchair with a back brace. They wouldn't let either one into the jail so he had to hop on his broken foot and try to climb to the top bunk with this broken back.
So many horror stories I could tell about that time — his cast being wet, not being seen to have some pins taken out. After much intervention, they kicked him out to the county mental hospital to wait for placement. He got much better care there although it was just a warehousing situation. He was there four months and then was put into an IMD (institute for mental disease).
Now, Will is there awaiting trial for attacking his father. He attacked him with a butter knife. Out of all the sharp knives in the kitchen, that's what he grabbed. I think that goes to show his state of mind. Anyway, visitation in the IMD has stopped due to COVID-19. I feel very grateful and fortunate that that is where he is when so many are homeless or in jail for the crime of being mentally ill.
My son is pleading “guilty to assault but by reason of insanity.” His attorney thinks he has a pretty good case but it's so hard to know. Currently, he’s happy and doing well. We pray that he doesn’t have to go to prison but he may have to go to the state hospital for a while. I'm almost as afraid of that as I am of prison for him. For now, things are good. We talk on the phone and I send him cards. I’m trying to enjoy as much time as I can with Will — while I can. I have no idea what the future holds but, for today, we’re okay. I pray for a future for my son but have little confidence in the system.
I just want my beautiful boy back.