I'D LIKE TO BE A PEN PAL FROM SCOTLAND by Anna Heath

Dear Dede,

Hello, my name is Anna and I am a 35-year-old young woman from Scotland here in the UK. I saw your Facebook post on Mental Health Bloggers and also clicked through to your website. Your pen pal project looks great to me and I would like to begin to be a pen pal for someone. 

A bit about me: It’s hard to know where to start, but Mason Lantern's mum (on the Pen Pal page) has introduced him really nicely so I thought I’d return the favor. I live in a little village in Scotland with my mum, but I’m no stranger to big cities, having lived in London, Edinburgh and in Lima, the capital of Peru as well. I think I am friendly, open, non-judgmental and caring. I used to work as a translator (Spanish to English technical documents) here in Scotland, but that came to an end in March 2016. I became more and more anxious while working as a translator, due to the shouting from my employer, repeated forced overtime, and other unfortunate circumstances, and after five months in the office, my extreme anxiety about it was tipped into psychosis. I was so unfamiliar with the true meaning of this word before it happened to me, because, as your readers will be aware, as a society and in schools, this possibility is not spoken about. And it’s such a scary-sounding word.

Since then, I have suffered from anxiety and depression and gone along to a therapeutic garden project we have in Edinburgh called Redhall Walled Garden, for trainees with experience of mental health problems, who work in the garden for four and a half hours per day. Then last year I was lucky enough to go and stay for six months at Lothlorien Therapeutic Community, a live-in community for people of all ages with mental health problems. More gardening, cooking, and cycling through the beautiful countryside there. That’s where I really managed to come to terms with my illness and circumstances and to feel more in charge of my life, and that’s where I also began to act as a support for others going through similar experiences.

My hobbies now include playing guitar, quilting, bread-making, and hopefully some more gardening here in the village. I have plenty of positive things to be getting on with, and not every day is easy for me, but I would be very happy if I could reach out and share a bit of happiness with a new pen pal. 

Dear Anna,

Thank you for your email. It’s so good to hear your story about your experience with serious mental illness (SMI), about your success, and about Scotland’s continuity of mental illness care. I hope your story encourages the development of similar programs in the US. To be a pen pal, simply check out the Pen Pal page here on the blog. You’ll find names, photos, and mailing addresses there. You can write to one or more as you choose.

Good Luck, Anna. You’re an inspiration. Stay safe. Stay well. 

NOTE TO READERS: If you know an SMI prisoner who would like to receive mail, please send me a brief description, a photo if you have one, and a mailing address. Email it to me at dede@soonerthantomorrow.com. Or message me with your information on Facebook. I’ll add that person to the Pen Pal page. SMI prisoners need to hear from us — more than ever — in the midst of this COVID-19 pandemic.

THE OTHER ME by Donna Nance

The other me is an optimist, 
Always up for something new. 
The other me has a list of dreams that, somehow, 
She’ll make come true. 

The other me writes silly stories 
For someone, or no one, to read. 
The other me loves being creative, 
Always a project up her sleeve. 

The other me sees into hearts  
And knows just how they feel. 
The other me has the gift of saying 
Calming words that heal. 

The other me, in adversity, 
Is as strong as a mother bear. 
The other me is hopeful  
And still believes in prayer. 

She looks just like me, she's just my age 
And her hair is just as gray. 
But her eyes, they sparkle, and she’s quick to smile. 
Wish I could be that way. 

The me, that I am, finds it difficult 
To concentrate on much. 
The me, that I am, no longer has a 
Passion for crafts and such. 

The me, that I am, has worries  
No mother should ever own. 
The me, that I am, often feels  
Hopeless and alone.  

The me, that I am, can't always find 
The soothing words that she would. 
The me, that I am, often doesn’t have 
The patience that I should. 

The me, that I am, is heartbroken 
That it all seems so unfair. 
The me, that I am, is angry 
And incapable of prayer.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of her 
Out of the corner of my eye. 
She beckons me to join her, 
If only for a while. 

And, if I can pull myself together 
For a brief repose, 
We might do some gardening, take a walk  
Or catch a movie, I suppose. 

We like to share a rocking chair 
And a book out in the sun, 
And she’s nice to have around to 
Share in a bit of fun. 

From time to time she whispers   
Encouragement in my ear. 
And, if I can’t, she’ll be the one 
Who says a little prayer. 

She doesn’t stick around long, 
She comes and goes…and then... 
Sometimes I start to worry 
That I won’t see her again. 

I hope she doesn't forget me. 
I know I’ll never forget her.

My son is 37-years old. Even as a child, he was a worrier and anxious, but had a lot of friends and easily got good grades. He was the kid who didn't drink and who would drive the other kids home. He went away to college in 2001 and, in 2004, had a breakdown, dropped out, and came home. He was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, anxiety, and severe depression. He’d started self-medicating with beer and pot and cigarettes, which he used to hate. Luckily, no hard drugs had been involved.

To make a really long story a bit shorter, over the years his SMI has progressed. He’s been in the ER (51/50's) numerous times (which he often talks his way out of), and has been hospitalized three times. He’s taken a variety of medications — none of which seemed to work that well, especially, when he was drinking, smoking, and not compliant taking them. He said, “I don’t want to kill myself. I just want to be dead.”

Over a year ago, after an extremely bad episode when he was hospitalized, we made the hard decision to not allow our son to come home. Since then, he’s been in five different places — always a "great" opportunity until he gets tired of the venue or gets kicked out. Although he’d been sober for quite a while and was going to AA, he went off his meds last summer and got worse than ever. He was rail thin, let his hair grow really long, and didn’t shave or bathe. His eyes looked wild and his behavior was scary. Every time we talked to him, he ranted and screamed and blamed us and, in the same breath, would cry for us to let him come home. He said, “I’ll show you how much I’ve changed since I’ve been sober.”

My son is back on meds, but is still extremely depressed and lonely and wants to come home. We know it won't work and that we're doing the right thing, but it doesn't feel very good. He’s in "the system," and getting SS disability, but not going to therapy consistently. We’ve been to NAMI meetings and classes.

Mental illness changes the whole family. We’re both 64 and tired, emotionally and physically. Even though our son isn’t with us 24/7 anymore, his illness consumes us. I used to have hobbies and other interests that I would still like to do, but rarely have the energy.

In the 16 years since he was diagnosed, my son’s had a blood clot in his lung (he also has a clotting disorder). I’ve been through breast cancer (chemo and radiation), and had a tumor on my spinal cord removed followed by a lot of physical therapy. My 90 year-old mother-in-law moved in with us for six months before she passed, and I had to liquidate her estate. I worried about another son with the clotting disorder, my husband lost his younger brother, and, now, I'm helping take care of my 90-year-old parents. We're wondering when the golden years kick in.

I wrote this poem a couple of years ago. Thanks for reading it.

TRAVIS & ME - OUR JUNE PRISON VISIT by Dede Ranahan

On Sunday, I visited Travis. I didn’t see him in May because our visiting day fell on Mother’s Day which I spent with family. He walked into the visiting area and, at first, I didn’t recognize him. His hair’s been shaved short — for summer — and he’s growing a beard. He looked great. I told him, “I really like your haircut. And your beard.”

We hugged and Travis said, “I finished reading your book.” (His mother, Kathy, sent him a copy.) Then he said the most perfect thing, “I love Pat. I love all his Facebook posts. He’s so funny. And smart. I think he’ll be an influencer for our generation. I copied the list of his favorite books. I’m going to read all of them.”

Travis’s eyes filled with tears as he spoke. My eyes filled with tears as I listened. Travis was clearly moved. “I totally get him,” he said. “I like him so much.” More tears.

I’m getting such heart-felt reactions to Sooner Than Tomorrow. In reviews, in emails, in cards and letters. Many have commented about Pat and his sense of humor. But, hearing about him from Travis, in person, with tears in his eyes, was mind-blowing for me.

I reached for his hand. “Thank you,” I said.

“I wasn’t sure what to expect when I began reading your book. And then I couldn’t put it down. You’re such a good writer.”

Travis is reading other books, too. He’s taking a college health class during the summer. “It’s really interesting. I’ve read the first three chapters. It’s about physical health, mental health, emotional health — about keeping everything in balance. I’m ready for these college classes. I wasn’t ready for them before I was sent to prison. My self-esteem is much better now. I know I can study and learn.”

Travis was also pumped about a basketball tournament he took part in on Saturday. His team (“We were the ‘crazy’ team. All of us have psych issues.”) beat five other “normal” teams. “We were champions for the day. We never played together before and we just clicked. Sports are important to me. I ran 10 miles (around the prison yard) for the soldiers who died on D-Day. To honor them. I’m in the best shape of my life.”

I asked Travis if there had been any more discussion about transferring him to a prison closer to his family in Southern California. He said, “They’re not going to move me right now. My psychiatrist and my psychologist are going to take me off lithium. It’s affecting my thyroid. Then I won’t be taking any medications. They want to watch me and see how I react. We’re all hoping I can function okay without meds.”

Travis likes his medical team. He thinks they’re competent. He thinks they care about him. “They like me,” he said. “I tell them about my feelings and my emotions. Not every client is open with them and they appreciate that I am.”

“I’m growing,” Travis continued. “I’m making the most out of my time in prison. I’m working out. I’m reading. I’m writing songs for our church service. I’m a better person than I was.”

“Travis, it sounds like you’re focusing on the positive aspects of being here. Do you think other inmates do that?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to judge anyone else. Probably not everyone does. There are fights and other bad stuff happens. Being here is forcing me to know how to interact with others. It’s not always easy living with my cellie, but I’m learning about relationships. I was kind of a recluse before I came here. I managed a motel in the mountains and I spent a lot of time by myself.”

It feels like our conversations are evolving. Travis asked me questions, too. “How are you doing, Dede?” (good) “How’s your mom?” (good) “How’s The Jazz?” (good) “What books are you reading?” (Mama’s Last Hug by Frans De Waal, I Miss You When I Blink by Mary Laura Philpott, Another Rubber Chicken Dinner by Bev Chinello)

Visiting hours ended. It was time to leave. “Have a good month, Travis. I’ll see you in July.”

I always turn to wave at Travis as I walk away. He’s always waiting. And he waves back.

Travis and me - before his haircut

http://www.bit.ly/soonerthantomorrow

A LETTER TO SHARE OR TO COPY AND PASTE by Dede Ranahan

TO ALL 2020 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES:

I often hear discussions about mental health awareness, but don't hear discussions about serious mental illness (SMI). 
With SMI, (schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, OCD), some people do not recover and cannot work or live independently. Some are so sick they don't realize they're sick (anosognosia), don't respond to treatment (if they get it), and end up incarcerated, homeless, missing, suicidal or dead.

The SMI population represents roughly 5% (10million) of the mentally ill in the US. And ten times as many people with SMI are incarcerated as are hospitalized. These individuals don't get the attention they deserve and consistently fall to the bottom of the proverbial heap.

If it "takes a village to raise a child," it takes a country to help a "child" with SMI -- parity in mental health care, IMD exclusion repeal (beds), HIPAA reform, housing, hospitalization instead of incarceration, brain disease research, supported education, and on and on. So far, our country is not stepping up. A serious mental illness system does not exist.

The presidential candidate I'll support will have the courage and insight to raise SMI issues and to create a plan to deal with them on a national scale. 

What is your plan for SMI? (Not mental health. Not drug addiction.) I would like to read about it on your website. Thank you for your prioritization of SMI issues.

If you agree, please share widely. Or copy and paste.

#seriousmentalillness #SMI #schizophrenia #schizoaffectivedisorder#bipolardisorder #depression #OCD #parityinmentalhealthcare #IMDrepeal#HIPAAreform #braindiseaseresearch #treatmentnotincarceration#soonerthantomorrow

http//www.bit.ly/soonerthantomorrow

SAMPLE SMI LETTER TO 2020 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES by Dede Ranahan

5/9/19

Presidential Candidate (NAME)
Email or address

Dear 2020 Presidential Candidate (NAME):

I hear discussions about mental health awareness. I don’t hear discussions about serious mental illness (SMI). Many of us, in the SMI community, fear that most focus is given to mental health conditions where people are resilient, can recover, can go to work, and live independently. I appreciate the goal to give hope to these individuals. The story, however, is much broader.

With SMI (schizophrenia, schizo-affective disorder, bipolar disorder, clinical depression, OCD) some people do not recover, and cannot work or live independently. Some are so sick they don’t realize they’re sick (anosognosia), don’t respond to treatment (if they get it), and end up incarcerated, homeless, missing, suicidal or dead. The SMI population represents 4-5% (10 million) of the mentally ill in the United States. And ten times as many people with SMI are incarcerated as are hospitalized. For whatever reasons, these individuals don’t get the attention they deserve and consistently fall to the bottom of the proverbial heap.

My son, Patrick, was one of these individuals.

If it “takes a village to raise a child,” it takes a country to help a “child” with SMI — parity in mental health care, IMD (Institutes of Mental Disease) Exclusion repeal (beds) , HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) reform, housing, hospitalization instead of incarceration, brain disease research, supported education, and on and on.

So far, our country is not stepping up. A serious mental illness system does not exist.

The presidential candidate I’ll vote for will have the courage and insight to raise SMI issues and to create a plan/policy to deal with them on a national scale. What is your plan/policy for SMI? I want to read about it on your website.

Thank you for your prioritization of SMI issues.

Sincerely,
Dede Ranahan

www.soonerthantomorrow.com
A Safe Place to Talk About Mental Illness in Our Families
dede@soonerthantomorrow.com
Author - Sooner Than Tomorrow — A Mother’s Diary About Mental Illness, Family, and Everyday Life
(Available online at Amazon and Barnes & Noble)

ADDRESSES: See yesterday’s post for address/email information for 2020 presidential candidates.

2020 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE CONTACT INFORMATION by Dede Ranahan

I’m researching 2020 presidential contact information. My intent is to write/email the candidates to ask, “What is your national plan or policy regarding the care and treatment of individuals who live with serious mental illnesses (SMI) such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizo-affective disorder, clinical depression, OCD, etc.?”

I collected the following information from campaign websites. Not all offer contact information that includes a place to comment. Some offer info@theirnames. It’s not clear if these email addresses go to staff or if they actually reach the nominee. John Delaney, Amy Klobuchar, Beto O’Rourke, Bernie Sanders, and Andrew Yang offer PO Box addresses.

If you have contact information for any of these candidates that I didn’t include, please send that information to me and I’ll update this list.

At the moment, SMI has not been mentioned in presidential town halls. Questions are asked about drug/alcohol programs but not about care/treatment for the seriously mentally ill. We have to introduce this topic into the presidential town halls, debates, and the 2020 campaigns. If SMI is not included in election discourse, what chance is there that it will be a priority in national programs going forward?

Tomorrow, I’ll post a sample letter that I’ll be sending to all the people on this list. Feel free to copy and use or to help draft your own message. Let’s flood 2020 presidential candidates with letters about what is important to us — national attention to SMI issues.

REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES

Donald Trump
https://www.donaldjtrump.com/contact/

John Weld
info@weld2020.org

DEMOCRAT CANDIDATES

Michael Bennet
info@michaelbennet.com

Joe Biden

Cory Booker

Steve Bullock
https://act.ourbigskyvalues.org/page/s/contact-us

Pete Buttigieg
info@peteforamerica.com

Julian Castro

Bill de Blasio

John Delaney
info@johndelaney.com
PO Box 70835
Bethesda, MD 20813

Tulsi Gabbard
https://www.tulsi2020.com/contact

Kristen Gillibrand

Mike Gravel
https://www.mikegravel.org/contact/

Kamala Harris
info@kamalaharris.org

John Hickenlooper
info@hickenlooper.com

Jay Inslee
https://www.jayinslee.com/contact

Amy Klobuchar (Has a plan for drug/alcohol addiction and mental health. SMI?
info@amyklobuchar.com
Amy for America
PO Box 18360
Minneapolis, MN 55418

Seth Moulton

Beto O’Rourke
PO Box 3628
El Paso, Texas

Tim Ryan

Bernie Sanders
PO Box 391
Burlington, Vt. 05402

Eric Swalwell
info@ericswalwell.com

Elizabeth Warren
https://elizabethwarren.com

Andrew Yang
Friends of Andrew Yang
PO Box 214
Midtown Station
New York, NY 10018

HAPPY PIC

Our story — mine and Pat’s — is now live and available to order on Amazon. An exciting day full of mixed emotions.

See my book, Sooner Than Tomorrow - A Mother’s Diary About Mental Illness, Family, and Everyday Life on Amazon. Click here.

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR SOONER THAN TOMORROW - by Dede Ranahan (With Patrick Ranahan)

NOTE: As of late this afternoon, 4/11/19, Sooner Than Tomorrow is up on Amazon and available for ordering. I’m in tears. My heart and soul are in this book. Thank you, so much, for reading it.

Click here to link to my Amazon book page:

In a few days, Sooner Than Tomorrow will be available in paperback on Amazon. Dedicated to mothers. Perfect for Mother’s Day! Please leave a comment on Amazon on my book page. I’m counting on word of mouth to attract new readers. Thanks so much!

FROM THE BACK COVER:

I had no idea, as I was writing my diary (June 15, 2013 — June 15, 2014), that I was capturing the last year of my son’s life. Pat died, unexpectedly, on July 23, 2014, on a hospital psych ward. Suddenly, my diary morphed into a more poignant record than I’d anticipated and, after he died, I discovered Pat had been making regular posts on Facebook. I decided to add his comments to my own.

One day, you know it will be your turn. Something alters your projection. There’s a major shift and then events will be referenced as “before” or “after.” Your life as it was versus the way it is now. In Sooner Than Tomorrow, I learn — right along with the reader — what will happen next. We’re all on a journey. Thank you for going on this journey with me.

—Dede Ranahan

Dede Ranahan weaves everyday events into her poignant account of her son’s descent into psychosis. She takes readers, with her and her family, on a harrowing journey — there is no guidebook — that too many of us are forced to take. Written in diary form, with entries by both mother and son, Sooner Than Tomorrow quietly exposes our nation’s shameful failure to help those with serious mental illnesses. It chronicles a mother’s unending love for a child and a son’s struggles to be well. An important book. A loving tribute. A powerful story that tugs at the heart and leaves readers asking, “Why can’t we do better?”

—Pete Earley,
author of CRAZY: A Father’s Search
Through America’s Mental Health Madness

This book about psychiatric brain disease is poignant and painful, but, ultimately, a necessary read. In its well-constructed pages, you’ll find a mother’s diary of her wonderful son and his terrible illness. Every clinician needs a copy of this, every mental health worker, every doctor, and, certainly, every family. Sooner Than Tomorrow is as real as storytelling gets. There are no stories more honest than those of our children who live with mental illnesses. This book tells one such story beautifully.

—Laura Pogliano,
mother of Zac, Board Member, SARDAA
(Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America)

Among the uncountable tragedies of the mental illness sub-nation, is its near-invisibility to its host society. So-called normal people live alongside neighbors—even friends—whose quiet pain, mourning, terror, and desperation would affront the nation’s conscience if it were better known. Dede Ranahan is among the heroic witnesses who are breaking that silence. Her memoir of the loss of her son — passionate, eloquent, revelatory, and unspeakably brave — brilliantly takes its place among the beacons of light and truth telling that point the way to the reclamation of our most helpless brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers.

—Ron Powers,
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, author of
No One CaresAbout Crazy People:
The Chaos and Heartbreak of Mental Health in America

A MOTHER'S DIARY & A SON'S LAST FACEBOOK POSTS by Dede Ranahan - GOING FORWARD

Hi Everyone,

I'm back from my blog break and posting more stories on Blog 1 (Your Stories) beginning tomorrow. My blog of Sooner Than Tomorrow - A Mother's Diary: A Memoir About Mental Illness, Family, & Everyday Life. I'm leaving the blog (Blog 2) open for new readers while I get my book published.

While attending a writer's conference, one speaker gave me this good news. She said (to the audience): "The publishing world is changing."
"If you're an unknown writer over 70, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're an unknown writer of a memoir, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're writing in diary format, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're writing about mental illness, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're writing about someone who died less than ten years ago, don't try to find a publisher."

Hmm? My writing checks all her boxes. What should I do? Give up? Go away? Write something else that means nothing to me? These are fighting words.

I've lots to consider. If I self-publish, among other things, I have to buy an ISBN number, apply for a LCCN number from the US Library of Congress, hire a professional cover designer, hire a professional graphic designer to format the interior pages of my print book and/or to convert it to an eBook, possibly purchase an editorial book review, and register my book with the US Copyright Office. 

Then there's marketing. Posting my book on Amazon doesn't cut it. People have to know it's there. They have to be directed to it.

So I'm asking myself, what do I want to accomplish? I know I want my diary in finished book format per my original intent which was to leave a book for my descendants. Should I defy all odds and look for an agent/ publisher? Should I publish my book myself? If you've read A Mother's Diary on my blog and you have any thoughts on this, please let me know. Your feedback will help me sort out what I should do going forward. dede@soonerthantomorrow.com

If you haven't read Sooner Than Tomorrow, it's still available on Blog 2. To read it from the beginning, read the Introduction in the navigation bar above, then go to "Scenes from the Trenches" June 14, 2017, in the Archives on the right hand side of the blog page. To continue reading, scroll up in the archives from June 14, 2017.  

I didn't know, as I was writing, that I was capturing the last year of my son's life. In my memoir,  his voice comes through loud and clear. However this goes, I'm grateful. In these pages, Pat will always be alive.

All my best, Dede

P.S. If you aren't subscribed to Blog I, it's continuing. Hope you'll sign on. If for nothing else, for Happy Pics :-)